These precious moments, hold them very dear.

Far and away my favorite Christmas song. Period. No more to say.

Keep Christmas With You

A hard left turn...

...into Obscurity Land.

Longtime Dee-troit dee-jay Tom Ryan had a beloved(?) character in the form of Count Scary. Even as a ten-year-old I was aware that he was a mere ripoff of Count Floyd, but here's a footnote I'd forgotten. It's Val, a relative of the Count, who was way too cool for school, lived in one of the Grosse Pointes, and wore a Lacoste cape. (It was the '80s, don't you know.)

Val Scary

Here's some merriment and jollity, boy howdy.

Brace yourselves. It's time for some aggressively peppy music. The Wayne King Orchestra and Chorus make "Happy Happy Joy Joy" seem like the soundtrack for seasonal depression. Now jingle!

Jing-a-Ling-a-Ling

Too much!

The year's Rankin/Bass specials are behind us, but this pair of songs is going to stick in your head until dang near Arbor Day. The Hellblinki Sextet with one of my wife's all time favorites...

Snow Miser/Heat Miser

Jacksons, Osmonds, Bradys, Partridges... Rhodeses?

They say there was once a Texas oilman. Rhodes was his name. Because he had a brood of seven children, and because it was the '70s, he did the only logical thing: he attempted to make them into a musical act.

And so one fateful day, The Rhodes Kids released "Rock 'N' Rhodes Christmas". Although it does tread into way-serious dirge territory, the lead track here is highly listenable.

Winter Wonderland

It's time.

OK, kids. Here it comes. Pipe down, stop shuffling your feet, and prepare to groove. This is, without question, the best Christmas album of 2014, and yet the amount of play it got on the Big Deal Commercial Christmas Stations was either zero, or close enough to zero to count as a rounding error.

And that's a shame.

I'm not shilling here. I get nothing for promoting this album other than the happy thought of good music spreading across the land. But that said, it's a highly recommended purchase. (Even on December 29.)

It's the Blind Boys of Alabama and Taj Mahal.

Talkin' Christmas

Mmmm. Pork tenderloin.

I was looking for my favorite version of this song. I asked my dad about it, only knowing the name of the song and a few others on the album. He said he had no recollection... and then within two minutes had come up with the name of the artist, the name of the album, the name of the label, the names of a couple of guys who had played on it, and that he'd once worked with the tuba player, who was brilliant, but not so much with the punctuality.

If you're ever looking for an explanation of how my brain works, you know whose genes are to blame.

Unfortunately, I still can't find Eddy Davis' rendition. Next year, maybe. Until then, here's the Hotlanta Trio.

Santa Claus Blues

להדליק את האורות של חנוכה

It's a fact. As a general rule I tend to go for the fun, the funny, or the irreverent. But there's a time and place for everything, and for the last night of Chanukah, here's Julie Silver. Even a midwestern goy like me has learned most of the lyrics already, even if only through osmosis, but I've never heard this sung more beautifully.

Chanukah Blessings

Yingle all the way!

Harry Stewart (nee Skarbo) was a songwriter who gained most of his fame in the character of Yogi Yorgesson. That's right... he "played ethnic". Some of his other characters have aged poorly, such as the Japanese Harry Kari, however given that Stewart was a Norwegian lampooning Swedes, I can't quite get myself too worked up over that. (My prejudices are showing, I guess.)

I Yust Go Nuts At Christmas

Bonus song!

Even with considerable delays, I'm going to post 31 Christmas/winter songs, as well as 8 Chanukah songs. And I'll get back to that in just a moment, but first here's a little something extra.

At the House of WO we'll remember 2014 as the Christmas we said goodbye to Dorothy Bell. Diminutive in no dimension except size, she was a sweet, loving daughter of English immigrants... and cross her at your own peril. She wasn't afraid of anything except dementia and living in a nursing home; she lived 96 years and avoided both.

As I've been thinking fondly of her, I've found this Steve Martin classic running through my head. Sing along, won't you?

Grandmother's Song

You got your klezmer in my hip-hop! You got your hip-hop in my klezmer!

It might not be anyone's first guess for "two great tastes that taste great together", but in the hands of Erran Baron Cohen (Sasha's brother) it works, man.

Hanukkah Oh Hanukkah

I hope they pass the audition.

Have you noticed that songs that say they're rockin' so seldom are? This one gets closer, at least. The genre of Beatles-styled Christmas music continues with The Fab Four...

Rockin' Around the Christmas Tree

Ringing and dinging

(Ai yi yi... I have a lot to catch up on here!)

Previously I posted the original Hebrew version of this song, but I know the English version better, having gotten the 45 in Denmark as a kid. It won the 1979 Eurovision song contest, you know.

My geography wasn't deceiving me, no, Israel isn't in Europe. So why are they in the Eurovision Song Contest? Because the Israel Broadcasting Authority is a member of the European Broadcasting Union. (Yes, I know that just pushes the question one step further, but I'm just going to go with it.)

Halleluya (English)

The youngest one in the studio

Once upon a time, sitcoms would suddenly, arbitrarily make the cast have a musical career, absent any explanation. And the Brady Bunch is perhaps the classic example of that.

Although they only did one Christmas episode, they did commit some Christmas music to disc. But why on earth would they pick the kid with an interdental lisp to sing "Frosty the Snowman"?

Frosty the Snowman

You're so hot on that show.

Marc Shaiman was Trey Parker and Matt Stone's musical collaborator during the early days of South Park. Later, he wrote the music for the Broadway adaptation of John Waters' Hairspray, and in an inspired convergence, the Hairspray cast recorded Shaiman's South Park arrangement of Dreidel Dreidel Dreidel. (Harvey Fierstein as Cartman? Genius.)

Dreidel Dreidel Dreidel

Why do I have to go to school again?

Of all the happy holidays, to me this one was far and away the happiest. What was the best thing? The unpredictability, naturally. What other holiday allows you to watch both The Price is Right and Johnny Sokko and His Flying Robot, all while popping up unexpected? Here's the Ninjas.

Snow Day

It's ו before י, except after ה, right?

It's the LeeVees again, and this time they're asking a question that came up just today at work. (For the record, they conjured up 16 likely transliterations.)

How Do You Spell Chunnukkahh?

Take one down, pass him around, 9999 Santa Clauses on the wall!

Now this one? This one I think has been unfairly neglected. And I don't just mean, like, Heat Miser/Snow Miser neglected (although good luck hearing those on the Crimmus stations!) I'm talking full on Here Comes Suzy Snowflake level of neglected. And that's a shame. For that song and for this one. It's the Caroleers.

10,000 Santa Clauses

What rhymes with Tu B'shevat?

I'm Lutheran by heritage and agnostic by belief, so leaven my Chanukah opinions with that knowledge. (You don't have to worry about leavening; Passover won't be for months.) That said, this song by Tom Lehrer is one of my favorites.

Chanukah in Santa Monica

A-one! An' a-two! An' a...

Once upon a time, Lawrence Welk and his Champagne Music Makers weren't just a Saturday Night Live sketch involving plastic baby arms. My grandmother was a massive devotee, and as soon as I hear Welk's bright, bouncy arrangements, my head fills with memories of ads for Serutan, Geritol and Rose Milk. Hey, they knew their audience.

Ho Ho Ho

Decisions, decisions.

This was intended for the second night of Chanukah, when you're blessed/cursed with choices upon choices. It's the LeeVees.

Applesauce or Sour Cream

Deck the tree with ping pong balls!

The Christmas music canon isn't an especially deep one, true. But don't venture too far from the tried and true, because... this. Here's Captain Kangaroo and Mr. Greenjeans.

Crackerjack Christmas

Meanwhile

From the same Christmas special as the previous song, Jon Stewart joins Colbert for a primer on what the Festival of Lights means. And he also makes it clear why he wasn't picked for "Company".

(This would have made a lot more sense if I'd been able to keep up with daily updates. This was intended for the first night, don't you see.)

Can I Interest You In Chanukah

Another show over...

His name has been top-of-mind lately, what with that gigantic farewell musical number. But Stephen Colbert is no stranger to the song and dance routine. And you KNOW most artists go into the studio to record Christmas tunes with this very thought. At least Colbert is saying it outright.

Another Christmas Song

Burn, log, burn!

You're deckin' the halls, but I just bet they'll win.

Deck the Halls

DOUBLE TIME, MEN!

Suppose you found an alien who could speak English fluently, yet knew not one thing about the culture. Suppose further, that you were recruited to be that alien's Earthling sherpa, explaining the significance of the things you encounter. What would be the toughest thing to explain? A friend of mine from college posited it would be Count Chicken McNuggula. But no, Dave, you're wrong.

How about the floors of tall buildings going directly from 12 to 14? Nope. Ariana Grande having a career? Hardly.

It has to be the fact that the North American Aerospace Defense Command tracks Santa Claus.

But do they stop there? Oh no. No, in fact. In 1964, NORAD's big band, the NORAD Commanders, released an album of Christmas instrumentals. You probably know that too-slow Christmas music is a peeve of mine, but the Commanders may have overcompensated here.

Carol of the Bells

And there won't be snow in Australia this Christmastime.

Because it's the middle of summer in the Southern Hemisphere, obv.

For some reason, Christmas music set during scorcher summer days never has caught. But why? If you'd like to convince me of holy beneficence, don't show me a midwestern slushscape, in which everybody's shoes are stained white from road salt. Show me a sunrise over Bondi Beach!

Here's Bucko & Champs.

12 Days of Aussie Christmas

Past Masters Vol. 1

The genre of Beatles soundalike bands performing Christmas music is far deeper than one might expect it to be.

OK, it's only slightly deep. But I bet that's more than you expected.

Here's a group called The Butties, which includes actor Sam Lloyd, better known as Ted the attorney on Scrubs.

We Wish You A Merry Christmas 
Jolly Old St. Nicholas 

Le deluge!

OK, kids. I've missed a lot of days. But now I'm in Make-It-Right mode. And posts are going to be issuing forth at a pretty good clip, both Christmas and Chanukah, to get us caught up. Hold onto something...

It's gonna pick up tomorrow!

This has never been my most favorite song, but I like this version from the Mike Sammes Singers. I'm always a sucker for this style of instrumental, and it moves, man, moves! There's also a full minute less of it than there was of Ms. Houston's effort, but trust me, you won't miss it. 

Starting tomorrow, TWO songs a day!

Do You Hear What I Hear

Vent! It's good for you.

Yeah, I've been down. I'm coming around out of it, but it remains true that I haven't had an easy go of this holiday season. And although I don't hate Christmas, it's fun to be the cantankerous one every now and again. And again. Here's Oscar the Grouch.

I Hate Christmas 



Fact: My brother in law once owned the domain name "bigrednoise.com".

I'm back!

So let's try this again.

And this time, let's use some of that fanksy-panksy project management skills I been certified for. That's right—daily updates, catching up ASAP, and maybe even observing Chanukah while I'm at it! 

So this song isn't Sleigh Ride. It isn't Jingle Bells. It's Sleigh Ride Jingle Bells! Oddly enough, I have two renditions of this song; this one from the Peter Wood Singers and Orchestra, and another from the Caroleers. Why did this one get the nod over the other? 

First, it rocks. Sort of. Gently. 

Second, it's imperfect. Boy is it evah! Sure, you hear the trumpet cracking that note. You'll notice that the very first time. But after repeated listenings I started to notice some other things. The vocal harmonies get a bit mushy sometimes. One guy makes an early entrance. Someone is a little vague on when to sing "jing-a-ling" versus "sing-a-ling". 

The cynic could view this as a slap-dash affair, half-hearting their way through it, getting the most songs on tape in the least studio time. I choose to view it differently. 

They embrace the imperfection. Because perfect, as Tina Fey would later say, is boring. They had their plans, they didn't quite materialize how they hoped, and still they played through. 

Not unlike our current Christmas. 

That's right. Take inspiration in a 45-year-old low-budget audio footnote. Or maybe, just maybe, I'm drained after a rough week and am reading meaning into whatever I can find. 

Sleigh Ride Jingle Bells

The real posts resume soon.

Until then, here's a way-overplayed Christmas song for your... enjoyment? (And no, this doesn't count toward the total.)

All I Want For Christmas Is You 
(Mariah's mic, isolated)

In case you're doing math, this song was originally released for the 1994 holiday season. That's twenty years now. Or, the same gap as there was between The Monkees' original NBC broadcasts in 1966 and MTV's 1986 revival.

I'll say this for Peter Tork: his 20-years-later make up was WAY more lifelike.

God protect her from the wolf.

We lost Dorothy Bell this morning.

She was my wife's grandmother. I lost my last grandparent in 1990, and it was invaluable to have a grandmotherly figure in my life for the last 11 years.

She was 96 years old; born the same day as Nelson Mandela, and she outlived him by one year. Not many people get as much as life as she had. Fewer still get as much out of life as she did. She remained vital up until the very end, and thankfully she didn't suffer that long. I'm mourning her now, but I'll celebrate her far more, and I don't suppose it will take long before the smiles surpass the tears.

I'm not sure if she would have liked this song, but if she didn't, I'm sure she would have smiled politely and been kind about it. Here with a 16th-century Spanish villancico, it's the Monkees. (If I had a dime for every time that sentence has been uttered...)

Ríu Chíu

Your turn, Coy & Vance.

A real post later today, but I couldn't not mention this. 

 

There's a new version of "Baby It's Cold Outside." 

 

Sung by John Schneider and Tom Wopat. 

 

Just let that percolate. I'll be right here. 

Music therapy

...for myself.

It's been one of the rougher weekends I can remember. What sort of music do I like in that situation? Well... brassy, for one. Totally brassy. Gotta swing. Take a different perspective on something all too familiar. Upbeat, but not so raucous that it keeps me from unwinding. And a goofy streak never hurts matters.

So where will I find all these things in a Christmas song? Well... 1990 would be one place. Specifically, Wynton Marsalis and his septet, with non-vocalese vocals by Jon Hendricks. Here we go.

Sleigh Ride

There's almost still time!

(In the Eastern Time Zone, anyway. Farther west, just pretend I was spot on here.)

The bad situation isn't better, but us Norwegians are awesome at "fake it 'til you make it". I have no idea if I'm being sarcastic at this point.

Here, in honor of December 6, The Caroleers Singers & Orchestra.

Santa's Birthday

Some new music!

...kind of.  

 

I just got home after spending most of the day in the hospital. I'm not saying that to stake a claim to heroicism—Amy and her mother have been there far longer, and are there still. 

 

Anyway. 

 

I got home to discover a friend had unexpectedly sent me a CD, and a bunch of Wacky Packs, to boot. He's a nut, sure, but it made me smile at a time that I really needed to. 

If you've had a good word, thought or gesture, for me, for Amy, for our loved ones, for people we've never met... thank you. Thank you for being kind. 

 

Coming soon... less talk, more rock. 

 

Peace, joy, love, comfort and strength, 

EWO 

 

Hey folks.

Bad day today. I'll post plenty of musical jolliness, but right now isn't exactly the time. Catch you soon. 

Turn it up! Let the music thunder! Don't turn it down!

The music on the wall-to-wall Christmas stations often skews dirge-y. There are any number of reasons for that, I suppose. Pop artists straining to be taken se-e-e-e-ew seriously ranks high up there. Jesus time. Gotta be reverent. What's the shortcut to getting there? Drag the tempo down to somewhere between snailish and glacial!

  

How can you tell if you're taking it too slow? If you can't complete a single phrase without taking a breath; if the pace is so far removed from speech-level-speed that intelligibility suffers... you've overdone it.

You know who hasn't overdone it, though? DIY power-pop multi-instrumentalist indie darlings Walk Off The Earth. This track is from their iTunes Session, and if you ask me, deserves to be as deeply entrenched in the Yuletide canon as Perry Como.  

Little Drummer Boy

A whirlwind tour

Here at the House of WO, I'm the one with the reputation for enjoying weird music. But that does a real disservice to my wife Amy, whose tastes are just as eccentric as mine. While I go broad, she goes deep, and she recently brought the Asylum Street Spankers' Christmas album to my attention.

You know how it goes. You sit listening to the wall-to-wall X-Mess music station, and say to yourself, "hey, I sure could stand to hear some funky bluegrass ska-inflected swing, with a few other stops along the way for good measure."

What? You've never said that? Well... say it. Because it totally works.

You're a Mean One, Mr. Grinch

A new song (and nothing to do with Christmas Shoes)

OK. Yesterday I talked about what I don't like. Here's something I do. It's Sharon Jones & The Dap-Kings, with harmony that's tighter than three coats of Glidden and more contagious than a pretty gal with a headcold. And she's singing about holiday lighting.

Honestly.

I mean, what else, right?

Big Bulbs

First things first.

I have opinions on a lot of things. Today, it's Christmas music.

I love Christmas music. I hate quite a lot of the Christmas music out there. Do I contradict myself? Very well then, I contradict myself. Here's my first and foremost rule (unless I tell you about something else that seems more important at the time).

How to do it right:

• The underlying message of your song is "Yeah, this is fun, right?"
• The underlying message of your song is "Yeah, Jesus."

I'm agnostic, but I'll happily embrace the latter option. (Hey, some of my best friends, you know?) So if your performance evokes one or the other of those, or both, we're good. But.

How to do it wrong:

• The underlying message of your song is "HEY, CHECK ME OUT!"

Lookin' at you, Neil Diamond. Try to convince me that your "Cherry Cherry Christmas" nonsense is meant to provoke any reaction other than "Wow, that guy done a bunch of songs I know!"

Try. No, really try. Bet you can't.

 

This year I'd like to start as I often do... with a Christmas tune that isn't really a Christmas tune, but it's from a Christmas TV special, only this particular version is from a Thanksgiving special. (Very well then, I contradict myself.) Vince Guaraldi, known for his Charlie Brown tunes, took a familiar motif and put a little mo' teef to it. And a horn section. Ladies and gents...

Linus and Lucy and the Band.